MISSOULA, MT (PAN-AMERICAN NEWS SERVICES) - In the ongoing conflict between reason and primitive superstition, God was exiled from the Internet when a combined team of GNAA and ANUS freedom fighters forced Christian scribes to deny His existence by removing His name.
Starting early Thursday morning, insurgents in traditional Muslim garb assaulted the Christian Internet meme-domination fortress wikichristian.com, interrupting a peaceful day of infighting over the exact implications of indefinite religious terminology. After thirty-six hours of combat, Christian forces withdrew, leaving behind a battlefield of ruined scripts and banned IP addresses.
"With God as my witness, I am taking down the site so we may endure this demonic assault," said Bruce Pederasdt, God's ordained champion in the "open source" movement, which believes the soul of a homeless retarded crack addict is equal to all others and thus if sycophantic enough, can become a "valued contributor" to a vital project like porting LaTEX to the iPod.
Wearing tennis shoes, and armed only with AK-47s and Compaq laptops, the rebel forces battled the highly mechanized Christian army until victory. "The crusader-god has fallen before Allah (PBUH)," said GNAA commandant Penisbird, sitting on a pink prayer matt before a captured statue of Crusaders burning books and heretics. He fired a shot to the heavens, coating himself in the sticky white substance that emerged from the rifle barrel.
Pederasdt refused to concede defeat, saying, "The God of Israel is a mighty god, and he will repress these black, gay and probably Muslim infidels so his Order may conquer the chaotic and sinful Internet. The Lord is my rod, and my staff, ...and my rod..." Investigators from Child Protective Services were at Pederasdt's Missoula compound to ascertain the status of the nubile young boy who at this point walked naked from behind a large curtain. The site remains down at the time of this writing.
"God told us to," GNAA-ANUS technology officer Cynical said simply. He added: "Rip the sacred flesh - Sodomize the holy asshole - The king of Jews is dead - and so are the lies - Vomit on the host of Heaven - Masturbate on the throne of God." A passing herd of nuns passed out in shock, their habits flipping upward to reveal large, black strap-ons.
CNN embedded reporter Phil MacOlon reported seeing columns of smoke rising from the back entrance to the server farm where wikichristian.com is hosted, but it was determined to be GNAA spokestroll g0sp-hell lighting up a suspiciously pungent cigarette. "God crashed like a Macintosh running Linux, in a rainbow of failure," he said. "Install reality, problem solved."
The ongoing war between reason and superstition originated in a surprise 1996 attack by ANUS suicide mailbomers on the then-new Vatican web site, knocking it out of commission until additional funding could be found. Recently, the war has heated up with insurgents from GNAA seizing Internet Holy Writ WikiPedia.org, where the Jewish god was linked to usury, niggardliness and unrelenting whining.
When news of the attack reached Washington, the United States immediately declared war on Germany, claiming that as it was allied with both GNAA and ANUS, it constituted an "axis of evil" which "threatens our freedom." At the time of this writing, bombers were headed toward strategic targets in Dresden, Germany, known as "the day care center of Europe" for its high population of inflammable women and children.
