London, England -- GNAA's UK division has reported that five unnamed jews who abused LastMeasure links at their school in a total failure of a fashion were today taken away for interrogation by the government's National High Tech Crime Unit. The accused created shitty batch files in a rucas-esque attempt to flood the schools' computer systems with LastMeasure URL's.
After a filled computer class was exposed to LastMeasure for more than five minutes, a N.H.T.C.U. team raided the computer lab and abducted the culprits. One managed to escape the clutches of the government after being taken to a detention centre and fled to the GNAA UK headquarters in London. According to an interview with the escapee, they were taken away to an unknown location and locked in a cell. One by one, they were taken and tortured for hours on end with spiky anal dildos and analpears. Heading up the torture was none other then the notorious Kirk Johnson, also known by his nickname "The Goatse Man".
"It was absolutely horrible! My asshole is now ruined for life. The things they were doing to us were unhuman. All the while, we were forced to hear a looping MP3 of Mr Johnson repeating 'I am the Goatse Man, I stretch ass like no-one can' over and over. I will never be able to sleep soundly again. These people are monsters!"
We were then informed that the remaining prisoners were to be flown to Iraq for beheading, Kenneth Bigley style.
This news has shocked the GNAA community. Many were in disbelief that LastMeasure had any child porn what so ever. According to our inside nigger agent in the N.H.T.C.U. the image file "eww.jpg" was found to be of a "paedophilic" nature. dcom of the GNAA's UK branch was found saying "wtf, thats child porn? I masturbate to that picture evey day and I'm no paedophile!" We believe this to be an unjust attack against the GNAA's premiere software product, and yet another attempt by the Zionists rooted deep within the British Government to destroy the world's greatest trolling organisation.
We will not waive on our stance that LastMeasure is 100% legal. We shall go on to the end, we shall fight on the Internets, we shall fight on 4chan and on Slashdot, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength with our next-generation trolling applications, we shall defend LastMeasure, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on IRC, we shall fight on the telephone conferences, we shall fight in the schools and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender.
About LastMeasure:A primitive version of LastMeasure was concieved by Penisbird of the GNAA after playing with an AIM utility named AIM Invader. It offered Penisbird a myriad of ways to crash AIM clients. By far the most powerful crash was the "last measure" crash, which would inundate an AIM client with file transfer requests, buddy list sends, messages full of smileys and colors, until the AIM client crashed due to lack of RAM.
The LastMeasure site originally consisted of Penisbird, Goatse, Tubgirl, Lemonparty, and Shitfaced Lady. But has expanded to include many other of the internets treasured icons. And with the addition of StatsMeasure, the clipboard data of thousands of unwitting victims has now been exposed for the world to see.
For more information about LastMeasure, visit the official website, LastMeasure.com
LastMeasure is licensed under the BSD Version 2 License.
