Washington, District of Columbia (USNS) - Gathered on the steps of the Justice Department, gay niggers worldwide announced their most ambitious ploy for political power to date, a boycott of all foods that make semen taste awful. GNAA president timecop led the rally with a pink megaphone, shouting over the noise of riot cops assembling in case the peaceful assembly turned violent.
"My friends," he lisped at the top of his lungs. "As America's - no, the world's - foremost consumers of sperm and without a doubt its greatest enjoyers and advocates, we plead - no, we demand - that these prostate poisons be eliminated from the modern diet." Around him, a surging throng of foamy devotees showed their approval with a shower of bodily fluids.
According to timecop, numerous studies prove that gay volunteers not only found that tobacco left a lingering moldy taste in semen, but that such commonplace items as coffee and multivitamin pills could make semen taste muddy and like insecticide, respectively. "These are intolerant, I mean, intolerable substances," timecop spluttered.
GNAA member DiKKy, on loan from NATO class dunce Norway, as if on cue dumped a 55 gallon drum of whipped semen into the Justice Department's Martin Luther King, Jr. meditative koi pond. As carp drowned in the sticky mucosal fluid, DiKKy took the microphone from a timecop overcome by emotion at the sacrifice of so much precious gay nigger seed. "Gummy bears make it taste like rubber cement - no, that's not a pun. And salmon, of course," said DiKKy, "which makes it taste oily. Oh, and here's a big no-no: asparagus. Yucky."
United Asparagus Growers President Ralph Gruntligel was interviewed by CBS' "60 Minutes," which, in trying to downplay its recent scandal over forging records to replace the lost forged records of a famous politician, has changed focus to such cutting edge topics as sitting room makeovers and loose candle wax.
"While we support every group who wishes to consume asparagus, and do not discriminate on the basis of age, sex, race, gender, sexual orientation, bondage role, condom use, ethnicity or major league baseball fan identification," Gruntligel said from a leather sofa in his Greenwich Village headquarters, "to indict a source of income for roughly one in 65,536 Americans that is ranked fifty-fourth among the world's most valuable vegetables, is not only a crime against asparagus, but a terrorist action against one of nature's most perfect foods and an important source of revenue for government and industry."
Back at the rally, timecop sniffed in response. "Like his ugly fat bitch of a wife will ever give him this kind of head," he said, demonstrating on Morgan Freeman, who happened to be passing on his way to testify before a Senate committee on racial discrimination in the color of fingernail clippers. "Desist -- cease, I say!" began Freeman, but then, in his characteristic basso profundo, began moaning rhythmically to the motion of gay nigger tongues.
Semen, the technical name for the fluid of male sexual emission which occurs at ejaculation, has a generally salty or sweet taste, depending on what the person responsible has consumed since his last ejaculation, said Dr. Ben Rodriguez-Silverstein. "It's entirely possible that these foods make semen taste disgusting," he said. "But unfortunately, most of them are necessary for survival."
He was immediately mobbed by gay niggers wielding placards reading "READ MY LIPS: NO RANCID SEMEN."
Contacted via phone, Robert Liebovitz, lead counsel for the Association of Confection Producers, said, "Can I get AIDS from this?"
Rodriguez-Silverstein, who was later spotted receiving $250,000 in small denomination bills smeared with a sticky, mushroom-smelling substance, announced that his lab was conducting independent tests using AOL Afghanistan employees to sample semen from every ethnic, racial, social and animal family group. "We will get to the bottom of this," he vowed, "and we will discover the culprit foods that leave a repellent taste lurking in your Cowper's gland."
At that moment, GNAA member Penisbird staggered into the room, having consumed all of the samples collected so far, and vomited iridescent fluid across the rug, desk, sofa and commemorative bust of Hilary Clinton. The demonstration will continue throughout the week and end abruptly on Saturday night, probably after they start playing the "boom-boom techno" at the Rainbow Lounge in Montrose, Texas, said timecop.
